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October 17,
2006
The
following is a letter written to a group of women in response to
a woman's question regarding her husband's viewing of
pornography and how grieved and hurt she was that he had been
viewing it. This letter was written to encourage wives to
be very careful regarding scolding and shaming husbands and to
be very careful how to rightly respond to a husband caught in
the web of pornography. The entanglement in the web of
pornography is NOT rare — believe me, sisters, it is very
common. So how do you deal with it? How will you or
how would you respond if you discover your husband has been, or is,
tangled in the web of pornography? The matter surely
must be addressed but must be bathed in earnest prayer.
This letter
is not meant to excuse the practice or incident or to make
light of the it. More importantly, the point of the
letter was not to trivialize sin. While our husbands might be
"just men," they are to endeavour to walk uprightly before the
Lord. We cannot excuse their behaviour and *they* cannot excuse their behaviour under the cloak of
"I'm just a man," anymore than we can do so with our own
sin! The author of this letter simply wanted to encourage the
women to remember that their husbands are fallible - to
recognize that, and cut them a bit of slack. And she also
shared what she would do were she to be in the same situation in
which the sister found herself regarding her husband's viewing
of pornography. So it is with thanks and
permission that I post Debbie's response to the hurting sister
and to countless others who are in the same place:
Just a Man
 I
remember reading "The Pastor's Wife", by Sabrina Wurmbrand
(missionary Richard Wurmbrand's wife), years ago. One particular
story stood out to me, and continues to do so some 20 years
later.
Richard spent many, many years in a Russian Gulag - suffering
horribly for his faith in Christ. His wife, who was only in her
30's (I think) at the time, found herself becoming drawn to a
Christian brother. No one knew if Richard was dead or alive, in
fact - some firmly believed he was dead, so encouraged Sabrina
to accept that fact and go on with her life. They even
encouraged her to go ahead and marry this fine, godly man who
she believed herself to be falling in love with - after all,
there'd been no word of Richard for years (I'm thinking about 14
- or something like that - but could be wrong). In
the end, Sabrina felt she couldn't simply assume he was dead. So
she continue to wait and pray that her husband was still alive.
Lo and behold, Richard was not dead and was eventually released.
The resumed their life together, with Richard continuing to
minister the Gospel of Jesus Christ unashamedly. One day
he went to Sabrina, and told her he was finding himself drawn to
another woman, that he was struggling with his thought life.
Rather than respond with hurt, she reached out and touched his
arm, and looking into his eyes told him, "Richard, you're
just a man."
Those words were a balm to his soul. Rather than being met with
anger, disdain, or even just hurt - his wife understood. And
told him as much. She knew what it was like to be drawn to
another - she'd experienced it herself. But even if she hadn't,
she knew about human nature - man's sinful nature. So rather
than condemning, she loved.
I've never forgotten that. And she was right. He was "just a
man."
Years later, I responded to what I believe to be the prompting
of the Holy Spirit to jump in my car at 7:00 a.m. and go to a
friend's house. I hadn't seen her in many, many months. I'd had
no foreknowledge of a problem, but as I drove down her long
country laneway, I saw a most dejected woman sitting on a swing
- tears coursing down her cheeks.
She poured out her heart to me, telling me she'd "fallen in
love" with another man. She said she'd done nothing "physical"
with him, but knew both she and he were developing a
"relationship." And she was grieved. Deeply grieved, and feeling
very confused and guilty. I put my arms around her, and those
words of Sabrina Wurmbrand came immediately to mind. I told my
dear friend that she was "just a woman," that God knew all about
it. That He would forgive her and set her feet solidly back upon
that firm foundation - if she would just lay it all down at the
cross.
She did so. She stopped putting herself in situations where
she'd see this man. She asked her husband's forgiveness. And he
lovingly gave it. Not only that, he made every effort to "win
her heart" again. That was 10 years ago. They're still
married.
Let us never forget our own weak and sinful frames. Not one of
us should ever believe we cannot be tempted. It could happen
tomorrow. Let us remember
— we
are all "just women". And when we sin, we can ALWAYS find
forgiveness in our most blessed Redeemer. And may we always
endeavour to remember our husbands in the same light. They are
'just men.' Sinners."
Blessings,
Debbie
Used with permission;
Debbie Yuck, Canada —
© 2006
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