Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.
1 Timothy 4.12

Paul Washer on Dating
(view in three parts)

The Room by Joshua Harris

eric ludy's  site for guys.
Deep within the rugged soul of every young man, there is a warrior in search of his sword and a poet in search of his pen.  But heroic, prince-like masculinity is a rare sight in today's world..."   Eric Ludy

Discussion boards, articles,
books and material for men.

Preparing Sons
a website to help fathers and sons in preparation
for manhood.  Articles, projects, message boards.

A Man's Bookshelf & Reading Bag

Thoughts for Young Men  by J.C. Ryle - Men of all ages will benefit from the solid, Biblical instruction of J.C. Ryle. He warns young men against the sins most tempting to them – lust, sloth, peer pressure, and love of pleasure.
Not Even A Hint: Guarding Your Heart Against Lust  by Joshua Harris - Lust ruins our relationships, robs us of spiritual power, leaves us feeling hollow - but the truth is, we don't have to stay on that treadmill of guilt and shame. God calls us to a high standard - not even a hint of sexual impurity (Eph. 5:3).
Future Men  by Douglas Wilson - Using the life of Christ as an example, Pastor Wilson sculpts patterns of masculinity for our sons. Jesus sets the perfect examples for friendship, for courage, for faithfulness, and integrity. A great guide to start now building for generational blessings.

Christian Modesty
and the Public Undressing of America
by Jeff Pollard
- Clothing is an external expression of our beliefs about God and the world. This well-researched booklet documents the way our society has progressively become desensitized to nakedness.
 Family Man, Family Leader (deadlink removed) by Philip Lancaster - Addresses the many practical issues necessary for achieving victory as a man, from learning and acting upon God’s priorities, to decision-making as a father, to growing in oneness with your wife, to personal accountability before the Lord and victory over secret sins.

Just For Young Men

 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the Author and Finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him that endured such contradiction of sinners against Himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds.
Hebrews 12.1-3

More articles and links for Men

Lucas Olson Knives
From Lucas' site:
quote...one-of-a-kind, hand crafted tools that will give you many years of dependable service. Made in the Idaho Clearwater Valley, my blades are either forged using a gas forge with a hammer and anvil or are rough-ground using the stock removal method. The knives are then polished and sharpened using a heavy duty belt grinder. All of my blades are high carbon steel and I personally heat treat each knife for its own specific task. 
Being handmade, each knife is unique. Any one of these knives would make a great birthday, anniversary, Christmas, or event gift. I build all styles, from bowies, daggers and traditional hunting blades to Philippine bolos and Nepalese kukris as well as customer designed blades."

My name is Pride. I am a cheater.

I cheat you of your God-given destiny...
because you demand your own way.
I cheat you of contentment...
because you "deserve better than this."
I cheat you of knowledge...
because you already know it all.
I cheat you of healing...
because you're too full of me to forgive.
I cheat you of holiness...
because you refuse to admit when you're wrong.
I cheat you of vision...
because you'd rather look in the mirror than out a window.
I cheat you of genuine friendship...
because nobody's going to know the real you.
I cheat you of love...
because real romance demands sacrifice.
I cheat you of greatness in heaven...
because you refuse to wash another's feet on earth.
I cheat you of God's glory...
because I convince you to seek your own.
My name is Pride. I am a cheater.
You like me
because you think I'm always looking out for you.
God has so much for you, I admit.
But don't worry...
If you stick with me, you'll never know.

-from Beth Moore's Praying God's Word


"Keep your hands off.
Keep your clothes on.
And stay out of bed.
Can you understand that?"
--elisabeth elliot

Learning To Wait
Elisabeth Elliot

This consolatory letter, written by Calvin to Monsieur de Richebourg, shows the caring heart of the young minister of the gospel. Calvin was only thirty-one years old at the time he penned this letter, and he was away on an important mission to Ratisbon, Germany where he represented the city of Strasbourg at an ecclesiastical gathering. Two deceased men are mentioned in Calvin’s benevolent letter; (1) Louis - the young son of Monsieur de Richebourg, and (2) Claude Ferey - the distinguished Professor at the Academy of Strasbourg and Louis’ personal tutor. Sadly, both men were carried away by the Plague that swept through Strasbourg with deadly consequences in April, 1541. Calvin writes,

The son whom the Lord had lent you for a season, he has taken away. There is no ground, therefore, for those silly and wicked complaints of foolish men: O blind death! O horrid fate! O implacable daughters of destiny! O cruel fortune! The Lord who had lodged him here for a season, at this stage of his career has called him away. What the Lord has done, we must, at the same time, consider has not been done rashly, nor by chance, neither from having been impelled from without; but by that determinate counsel, whereby he not only foresees, decrees, and executes nothing but what is just and upright in itself, but also nothing but what is good and wholesome for us...

In what regards your son, if you bethink how difficult it is, in this most deplorable of ages, to maintain an upright course through life, you will judge him to be blessed, who, before encountering so many coming dangers which were already hovering over him, and to be encountered in his day and generation, was so early delivered from them all. He is like one who has set sail upon a stormy and tempestuous sea, and before he has been carried out into the deeps, gets in safety to the secure haven...

But what advantage, you will say, is it to me to have had a son of so much promise, since he has been torn away from me in the first flower of his youth? As if, forsooth, Christ had not merited, by his death, the supreme dominion over the living and the dead!...However brief, therefore, either in your opinion or in mine, the life of your son may have been, it ought to satisfy us that he has finished the course which the Lord had marked out for him. Moreover, we may not reckon him to have perished in the flower of his age, who had grown ripe in the sight of the Lord...Nor can you consider to have lost him, whom you will recover in the blessed resurrection in the kingdom of God...

Neither do I insist upon your laying aside all grief. Nor, in the school of Christ, do we learn any such philosophy as requires us to put off that common humanity with which God has endowed us...set bonds, temper even your most reasonable sadness; that having shed those tears which were due to nature and to fatherly affection, you by no means give way to senseless wailing...May Christ the Lord keep you and your family, and direct you all with his own Spirit, until you may arrive where Louis and Claude have gone before.


George Washington's Rules of Civility

In the late nineteenth century, a school notebook entitled "Forms of Writing" was discovered at Mount Vernon, Virginia, George Washington's plantation home on the Potomac River. The notebook apparently dates from about 1745, when George was fourteen years old and attending school in Fredericksburg, Virginia. Inside, in George's own handwriting, we find the foundation of a solid character education for an eighteenth-century youth: some 110 "Rules of Civility in Conversation Amongst Men." Historical research has shown that young George probably copied them from a 1664 English translation of an even older French work. Most of the rules are still delightfully applicable as a modern code of personal conduct. On the assumption that what was good enough for the first president of the United States is good enough for the rest of us, here are fifty-four of George Washington's "Rules of Civility."

1. Every action in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those present.
2. In the presence of others sing not to yourself with a humming voice, nor drum with your fingers or feet.
3. Speak not when others speak, sit not when others stand, and walk not when others stop.
4. Turn not your back to others, especially in speaking; jog not the table or desk on which another reads or writes; lean not on anyone.
5. Be no flatterer, neither play with anyone that delights not to be played with.
6. Read no letters, books, or papers in company; but when there is a necessity for doing it, you must ask leave. Come not near the books or writings of anyone so as to read them unasked; also look not nigh when another is writing a letter.
7. Let your countenance be pleasant, but in serious matters somewhat grave.
8. Show not yourself glad at the misfortune of another, though he were your enemy.
9. They that are in dignity or office have in all places precedency, but whilst they are young, they ought to respect those that are their equals in birth or other qualities, though they have no public charge.
10. It is good manners to prefer them to whom we speak before ourselves, especially if they be above us, with whom in no sort we ought to begin.
11. Let your discourse with men of business be short and comprehensive.
12. In visiting the sick do not presently play the physician if you be not knowing therein.
13. In writing or speaking give to every person his due title according to his degree and the custom of the place.
14. Strive not with your superiors in argument, but always submit your judgment to others with modesty.
15. Undertake not to teach your equal in the art he himself professes; it savors of arrogancy.
16. When a man does all he can, though it succeeds not well, blame not him that did it.
17. Being to advise or reprehend anyone, consider whether it ought to be in public or in private, presently or at some other time, also in what terms to do it; and in reproving show no signs of choler, but do it with sweetness and mildness.
18. Mock not nor jest at anything of importance; break no jests that are sharp or biting; and if you deliver anything witty or pleasant, abstain from laughing thereat yourself.
19. Wherein you reprove another be unblamable yourself, for example is more prevalent than precept.
20. Use no reproachful language against anyone, neither curses nor reviling.
21. Be not hasty to believe flying reports to the disparagement of anyone.
22. In your apparel be modest, and endeavor to accommodate nature rather than procure admiration. Keep to the fashion of your equals, such as are civil and orderly with respect to time and place.
23. Play not the peacock, looking everywhere about you to see if you be well decked, if your shoes fit well, if your stockings set neatly and clothes handsomely.
24. Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation, for it is better to be alone than in bad company.
25. Let your conversation be without malice or envy, for it is a sign of tractable and commendable nature; and in all causes of passion admit reason to govern.
26. Be not immodest in urging your friend to discover a secret.
27. Utter not base and frivolous things amongst grown and learned men, nor very difficult questions or subjects amongst the ignorant, nor things hard to be believed.
28. Speak not of doleful things in time of mirth nor at the table; speak not of melancholy things, as death and wounds; and if others mention them, change, if you can, the discourse. Tell not your dreams but to your intimate friends.
29. Break not a jest when none take pleasure in mirth. Laugh not aloud, nor at all without occasion. Deride no man's misfortunes, though there seem to be some cause.
30. Speak not injurious words, neither in jest or earnest. Scoff at none, although they give occasion.
31. Be not forward, but friendly and courteous, the first to salute, hear and answer, and be not pensive when it is time to converse.
32. Detract not from others, but neither be excessive in commending.
33. Go not thither where you know not whether you shall be welcome or not. Give not advice without being asked; and when desired, do it briefly.
34. If two contend together, take not the part of either unconstrained, and be not obstinate in your opinion; in things indifferent be of the major side.
35. Reprehend not the imperfection of others, for that belongs to parents, masters, and superiors.
36. Gaze not on the marks or blemishes of others, and ask not how they came. What you may speak in secret to your friend deliver not before others.
37. Speak not in an unknown tongue in company, but in your own language; and that as those of quality do, and not as the vulgar. Sublime matters treat seriously.
38. Think before you speak; pronounce not imperfectly, nor bring out your words too hastily, but orderly and distinctly.
39. When another speaks, be attentive yourself, and disturb not the audience. If any hesitate in his words, help him not, nor prompt him without being desired; interrupt him not, nor answer him till his speech be ended.
40. Treat with men at fit times about business, and whisper not in the company of others.
41. Make no comparisons; and if any of the company be commended for any brave act of virtue, commend not another for the same.
42. Be not apt to relate news if you know not the truth thereof. In discoursing of things you have heard, name not your author always. A secret discover not.
43. Be not curious to know the affairs of others, neither approach to those that speak in private.
44. Undertake not what you cannot perform; but be careful to keep your promise.
45. When you deliver a matter, do it without passion and indiscretion, however mean the person may be you do it to.
46. When your superiors talk to anybody, hear them; neither speak or laugh.
47. In disputes be not so desirous to overcome as not to give liberty to each one to deliver his opinion, and submit to the judgment of the major part, especially if they are judges of the dispute.
48. Be not tedious in discourse, make not many digressions, nor repeat often the same matter of discourse.
49. Speak no evil of the absent, for it is unjust.
50. Be not angry at table, whatever happens; and if you have reason to be so show it not; put on a cheerful countenance, especially if there be strangers, for good humor makes one dish a feast.
51. Set not yourself at the upper end of the table; but if it be your due, or the master of the house will have it so, contend not, lest you should trouble the company.
52. When you speak of God or his attributes, let it be seriously, in reverence and honor, and obey your natural parents.
53. Let your recreations be manful, not sinful.
54. Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience.

Boy Wanted
Frank Crane

This "want ad" appeared in the early part of this century.

Wanted -- A boy that stands straight, sits straight, acts straight, and talks straight;

A boy whose fingernails are not in mourning, whose ears are clean, whose shoes are polished, whose clothes are brushed, whose hair is combed, and whose teeth are well cared for;

A boy who listens carefully when he is spoken to, who asks questions when he does not understand, and does not ask questions about things that are none of his business;

A boy that moves quickly and makes as little noise about it as possible;

A boy who whistles in the street, but does not whistle where he ought to keep still;

A boy who looks cheerful, has a ready smile for everybody, and never sulks;

A boy who is polite to every man and respectful to every woman and girl;

A boy who does not smoke cigarettes and has no desire to learn how;

A boy who is more eager to know how to speak good English than to talk slang;

A boy that never bullies other boys nor allows other boys to bully him;

A boy who, when he does not know a thing, says, "I don't know," and when he has made a mistake says, "I'm sorry," and when he is asked to do a thing says, "I'll try";

A boy who looks you right in the eye and tells the truth every time;

A boy who is eager to read good books;

A boy who would rather put in his spare time at the YMCA gymnasium than to gamble for pennies in a back room;

A boy who does not want to be "smart" nor in any wise to attract attention;

A boy who would rather lose his job or be expelled from school than to tell a lie or be a cad;

A boy whom other boys like;

A boy who is at ease in the company of girls;

A boy who is not sorry for himself, and not forever thinking and talking about himself;

A boy who is friendly with his mother, and more intimate with her than anyone else;

A boy who makes you feel good when he is around;

A boy who is not goody-goody, a prig, or a little pharisee, but just healthy, happy, and full of life.

This boy is wanted everywhere. The family wants him, the school wants him, the office wants him, the boys want him, the girls want him, all creation wants him.


What a Godly Man Should Look Like
Kathy Gruben

"I would use these words to describe this wonderful man of virtue....

Noble, chivalrous, courageous, fun, true, wise, loyal, passionate, protector, gentle, humble, strong, self-sacrificial, adventurous, patient, loving, kind, serving, intelligent, polite, family centered, lover of truth, steeped in the Word of God, prayerful and hospitable.

These are not the kind of guys that you always notice first in a crowd. But they are the ones that you admire most once you do notice them. They are the ones who go to the person sitting on the side of the church looking left out, and shake hands with a smile. They are the ones that you will find at home instead of in youth group. You will see them sitting with their folks rather than passing notes in the back of church with their friends. You will find them helping in the kitchen or taking out the trash, walking the ladies to their cars and carrying diaper bags even if they don't belong to them.

You'll find them with other guys, in deep discussions about theology, worldview philosophies, politics, and books rather than just talking about the latest football games, computer games and girls. Yet, they can converse on these topics too when needed :- ) . These are the guys who walk on the outside of the sidewalk to protect the lady whom they might be with, and are always watching for ways to take care of her as a sister. When looking for a mate, they want the one who is at home (or wants to be) and "hangs out" with her mom and siblings more than her buddies.

They love a good time, but it usually entails sword fighting, ultimate Frisbee, board games, hiking, touch football,  night tag, water balloon fights and G rated movies rather than sports teams, dancing at the bar or movies with violence and sex-who cares if they are in their 20's! A big night on the town includes taking the siblings to the grocery store, the library or out for miniature golf. They are passionate about the things of God and they do not bend on their convictions, no matter what others may say or do. They don't care that some might see them as "goody-goody" or strange for not dating or for spending so much time with their family-they are proud of it!

You might see them on the road at 6:30am rushing to get to a 7:00am catechism class, even though no one is making him go. You will find them in family worship, singing or playing the piano, teaching God's word to his family or sitting at his fathers feet. They write marvelous heart felt letters of encouragement when needed and yet might not say too much by way of personal stuff to many. They keep confidences. You might easily see him with a crowd of little ones about him as he helps to teach them something or play with them. He will watch an old movie and play cards with his siblings or parents ,even when he would rather be playing "Stronghold Crusader" on his laptop.

He would give up his very life for his savior, his ideals and his family. He makes ice cream floats of all kinds-even strange concoctions- and gives his mom tea in bed. He bakes birthday cakes for his friends with his sister's recipes. He learns follow a recipe and make things in the crock-pot because he wants to be able to at least take care of his wife when the baby comes. You are likely to find him under a car, on top of a roof, mowing a lawn, mending the fence, writing a book, working the night shift to help the family-anywhere that will require hard work, initiative and drive-but not for his own sake.

They are so admired and dearly loved by their families because they are an indispensable source of joy and encouragement, strength of character and servitude. They are never truly independent, because they have come to that wonderful place in the Christian life where they realize, that they must be dependent on God alone in His sovereignty, and the people that He has placed in his life.

Therefore, he is a true man's man. A giant. One to look up to. A hero. A leader among his peers. Strong, steady, dependable and one that you could place your life and the lives of your children into his capable and loving hands-with no regrets or fears."

Kathy Gruben 2006


The Room: by Joshua Harris

The Room

May the beauty of salvation embrace you, may your need for Christ capture you, and may the power of the Cross overwhelm you. For information on the authorship of “The Room” please click here. To download PDF, click here.

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features save for the mysterious array of black filing cabinets. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endlessly in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read “Girls I Have Liked.” I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one.

And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn’t match.

A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named “Friends” was next to one marked “Friends I Have Betrayed.”  The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. “Books I Have Read,” “Lies I Have Told,” “Comfort I Have Given,” “Jokes I Have Laughed At.” Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: “Things I’ve Yelled at My Brothers.” Others I couldn’t laugh at: “Things I Have Done in My Anger,” “Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents.” I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped.
I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my 20 years to write each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.
When I pulled out the file marked “Songs I Have Listened To,” I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn’t found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of music, but more by the vast amount of time I knew that file represented.
When I came to a file marked “Lust,” I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded.
An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: “No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!” In an insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn’t matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it
Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it. The title bore “People I Have Shared the Gospel With.” The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.
And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key.
But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus.
I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn’t bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one?

Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn’t anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn’t say a word. He just cried with me.
Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card.

“No!” I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was “No, no,” as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn’t be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood.
He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don’t think I’ll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, “It is finished.”
I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.
By Joshua Harris. Originally published in New Attitude Magazine © Copyright New Attitude 1995.
You have permission to reprint this in any form.
We only ask that you include the appropriate copyright byline.
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