Kathryn
Hey everyone~
I don’t know if you all made it onto my update list, so I was
glad to see that my dad sent it to the list. Thanks for all of
your prayer support and letters. I’m sorry that I can’t write
to everyone personally, but I want you to know that I appreciate
the letters more than I could ever express.
I am feeling a lot more upbeat about it all. I have to admit
that at first, I was terrified at the thought of three months of
this. I had a very romanticized idea of what this was going to
be like. I think I subconsciously expected little Gerber
babies. Don’t laugh; I know that’s really naive! When I walked
in the door for the first time, the smell of sweat and urine was
overpowering. They wash everything down with a bleach water
solution often, but it never takes away the smell. I was so
homesick the first couple of days and couldn’t bring myself to
face that this was it. I have learned that I am very selfish
and spoiled! Seriously! I didn’t realize it until a couple of
days after I got here. I had to really stop and take a second
to change my heart. Jesus came to me in all of my sin and shame
and picked me out of the mire. I was utterly lost and broken;
yet he transformed me. Where do I get off feeling like the
living conditions aren’t good enough for me?! Seriously!
J I am embarrassed
to admit that, but it’s the truth.
The poverty is hard to handle. I think the most difficult thing
is the way they look at me. It’s like I’m dropping by to help
for a bit, but I’ll never REALLY know what their life is like,
and they know that. Some have the saddest expression on their
faces as I walk by them. They squat down by their washing
bucket and just stare at the “Muzungu.”
On the other hand, I love the way the street children grin and
wave, yelling “Muzungu, how are yoooou!”
J
I had the privilege of eating lunch at the orphanage today. As
I walked through the line I was given cassava root and noodles.
I’ll just say that it was far from my going-away steak dinner!
I laughed to myself as I thought of home and the millions of
condiments we have in the fridge. Meals here are pretty plain.
I am so struck with how we, as Americans, are so incredibly
pampered and well cared for. Life here is really at a survival
level. It’s not “what should I eat for dinner…I can’t decide,”
but rather, “I hope I make enough money today in the market to
buy some dinner.”
I know that this is normal for anyone who experiences this kind
of condition. I know that every single person comes to this and
wants to solve this great problem. I keep reminding myself that
I, in and of myself, cannot change the condition. What they
really need is eternal salvation. What good would it do if they
were fed and lacked the knowledge of Jesus? Now, understand
that I know that doesn’t solve the immediate problem of hunger,
but I am just praying that they see the big picture. They are
dead men walking because they have no hope for anything.
I can’t articulate my thoughts completely, but you understand.
I went to the doctor today with one of the mamas from the
orphanage. Two of the kids needed X-rays for Tuberculosis. One
of the babies is about a year old, but is as small as a
newborn. Her newborn onesie is very loose on her. Anyway, she
isn’t growing and they have been taking X-rays every so often to
try to figure out why.
The other little one is a boy named Bobby, who has AIDS. He was
getting a chest X-ray to check on his TB as well. I drew many
stares as I walked into that African clinic with the tiny
African baby in my arms. Let me tell you, I may look tan back
home, but here, I am glowing white! I was only white person in
the clinic…and on the whole street, I guess!
J We took the kids
into the waiting room, which was a small concrete room with
benches around the edge. No light, and no glass windows, just
holes cut into the concrete. The benches were packed with
people just staring. We were sent down the hall and out the
door to the back of the clinic, where there was a little
concrete house/room with an X-ray machine. I know that doctors
here would cringe at the conditions!
Bobby was X-rayed while I took off Sandra’s little onesie. She
was crying so pitifully as I laid her on the old rickety table.
I had to hold her arms away from her body as the doctor took the
X-ray. Unfortunately, the film was too dark, so I had to
undress her again and repeat the awful experience.
We made it back to the orphanage and Joy, Michal, and I walked to town to check mail. It’s about a mile and a half from the orphanage to town.
Okay, this has turned into a book.
Miss you all!
Love, Kathryn
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