Is a
Submissive Wife a Doormat?
A number of years
ago... when the discussion of wives
being doormats came up, I was compelled to write this response. You'll hate this
response if you just read the words and miss the message---as many women did...
I Do Want to be His Doormat...
"I do want to be his doormat---I
want him to wipe all his cares on me. I
want to be the first thing he steps on when he comes home. I want to be a
doormat that says: "welcome home!" I want to be the doormat that helps him
leave his troubles outside his home. I want to be the doormat that tickles
his feet. I want to be his doormat that divides the outside with the inside
and as soon as he steps on it he knows the difference. I want to be his
doormat who knows *Where* to take the dirt accumulated on his feet when he
has been out in the world earning a living and providing for all the needs
in our home. I want to be his doormat, I don't want him to want to find a
different doormat, I don't want him to stop wiping his feet at our door, I
don't want someone else to put out a doormat for him. Yep, a submissive
woman is a doormat. I am so glad that my husband safely trusts in the heart
of his doormat which he treats like silk. Oh... listen... my husband is
driving down our lane... I need to go meet him---he might have dust on his
feet!"
I then continued with a
response to a somewhat negative reaction to my original (above) thought. The following was
written to a sister who disagreed with doormat and preferred something more akin to a
footwasher, which I wholeheartedly agreed with, by the way...
"I was trying to convey an
aspect of submission---that analogy did break down pretty fast, didn't it? I don't
like the actual wording sometimes either! I like your analogy better
[footwasher]. But the mat is needful, too. I still want to be the woman who
waits at the door---the welcome mat, if you will--- I still want to be the woman who is
ready to accept his dust. In the process, I am always fortunate to have a kiss wiped on my
face as well. Wooooo. I want to be the woman that can accept being the mat used to clean
the feet. I also want to be willing to be used for unglamorous purposes---without
the need or desire for remuneration or reciprocation. A mat doesn't do or expect
either of these things ---it does its job, takes the dirt, allows the washing, and is
appreciated by the ones who do the rest of the cleaning in the home. Really, I guess
because my husband knows I work at what I am supposed to be doing, he wants to work at
what he is supposed to be doing and vice versa.
He is diligent in working and reworking *his* role in "nourishing
and cherishing" me, his role in loving me, his role in submitting to me in the fear
of God (the seldom quoted Eph 5.21)---that I *want* to submit to him, I
*want* to be under his authority. Even if he were not to take seriously his role as a
husband before God, I must still *want* to obey and submit to
him----because I love the LORD Jesus. As for my husband, I trust him, I am secure in
his love and *want* him to know that I am willing to be the doormat, the
woman whose price is far above rubies, the toilet washer or the foot washer, or the
cracked pot---my whole hope and prayer is that I want to be a woman who doesn't take
thought for all these labels but to be concerned with serving the LORD and being a sweet
offering to Him and to my husband. The problem with women not wanting to submit to
husbands is ultimately a trust issue, they don't want to be a doormat for the same reason
many people don't want to pray for patience---or don't want to pray to be a missionary,
etc., etc.: The fear of what *might* happen to them and what the LORD might *do
to them* ---no freedom, trials, Africa...in the end it's all obedience to Jesus
and if that means being a foot washer and/or a doormat... then, it is a footwasher or a
doormat---I desire to be." ---ps
pamela spurling © 2000/2001
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