A Moment Of
Truth
As a young mother with 4 children under 5, I
often felt woefully inadequate as a housewife
and a mother. It wasn’t because I wasn’t trying
to excel at these things, it was just my
perception of myself. There never seemed enough
hours in the day to accomplish what had to be
done and I often felt frustrated with myself.
This changed dramatically one day when I was
taken to my friend’s sister-in-law’s house.
It was about 1pm, when we arrived and although
we had been invited to come for a visit, we were
appalled by the lack of cleanliness, the
untidiness and the obvious squalor around us.
But what horrified us most was my friend’s 12
month old nephew standing in a dirty cot, soiled
diaper and raggy vest, crying and flushed whilst
his mother sat unperturbed reading in the dust
covered living room.
My friend immediately swooped on her nephew and
comforted him. She enquired of his mother if he
was hungry- she replied that she had given him a
bottle in the morning. We looked in the cot and
there was an empty feeding bottle complete with
flies on the nipple. We felt revolted. The
unmistakable odour of the soiled diaper was
overwhelming and when my friend took it off to
change the little fellow, it revealed red
blistered welts where his diaper had been.
Immediately the child was given a warm bath and
his diaper rash was plastered in Vaseline- there
wasn’t anything else in the house for it.
All the time, the child’s mother kept reading,
seemingly oblivious to us. It was very
disconcerting. We opened the fridge to get
something for the little boy and it was growing
all types of green mould. The milk was out of
date. The pantry was understocked to say the
least, and all we could rustle up for the baby
was an egg in bread crumbs. He was starving and
we were angry and sad.
My friend rinsed out the soiled diaper and vest
and opened the lid of the washer. We exchanged
shocked glances as the rancid smell of half
washed laundry met our nostrils. As the clothes
were going mouldy, we presumed they had been
there a long time. And there was no excuse for
this laziness, because the child’s father had
bought his fiancee a new washer during the
pregnancy.
That day, I learnt a lot about myself. I learnt
that I was too hard on myself, too
perfectionistic and unrealistic. My children and
home were never even on a really bad day, as bad
as that. I learnt that I was not lazy,
incompetent, or backward- I was exhausted and
overwhelmed. Not so with this girl!
What was wrong with this girl? She only wanted
to do what she liked doing- reading. That was
what consumed her time and life- books. Not her
little boy or her impending marriage, (which
didn’t take place fortunately) but just her
desires were her life. She could not see
anything wrong in that. And she was a very well
read and quite intelligent woman. She was to
come to see that it did matter indeed.
She told my friend’s brother when it all came
crashing around her ears, that she didn’t want
to have to keep the house clean, look after her
baby and tend to his needs. She wasn’t harming
anybody by reading and she couldn’t see what the
fuss was about. We were incredulous that someone
could be so self-centered and unenlightened
about life. And totally indifferent to her
child- not even a toy was in his cot the day we
visited!
The washing would get done- eventually. The
child would be fed- eventually. He would be
taken to the doctor when he was suffering
earache- eventually- but not before repeated ear
infections made him deaf in one ear. I couldn’t
help but see the contrast between the Proverbs
31 woman and her. And I certainly wasn't evenly
remotely close to this selfish woman. So I
lightened up and relaxed a bit. I stopped being
over perfectionistic and settled for a balanced
approach. I enjoyed my children more. And I made
sure that I never put off doing something just
because I didn’t feel like doing it.
Now whenever I read Ecclesiastes 10:18 “Because
of laziness the building decays, and through
idleness of hands the house leaks," I always
remember a sad, hungry and dirty little baby boy
with a mop of blonde curls and a dirty diaper.
And I thank God that He gave him into his
father’s caring hands.
© Glenys Robyn Hicks