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DATING vs COURTSHIP PART 5
Wrap-up: What to do while you wait
and further resources
AND
DATING vs COURTSHIP PART 6
The Cherum of Courtship
Strangely enough, I don't believe in waiting around to get married :) If you are ready
to get married, then go right ahead! If you're not, then you already know what to do
"while you're waiting" -- address your shortcomings.
The years before marriage are a time of preparation. The Bible talks about us being
'consecrated' to God -- that literally means having your hands full of purpose. You need
to find out your destiny in life -- how can you be sure your spouse's destiny lines up
with your own if you don't yet know what yours is?
Once you have found your destiny, you can start equipping yourself for it, and then
doing it. More than likely, you will meet your spouse whilst you are out, fulfilling your
destiny. She too, will be there, fulfilling her destiny -- similar to yours, since you
will have a joint one together! Those who wait at home "for their
prince/princess" to come aren't likely to meet (or attract) the partner of virtue
they seek.
More than that though, you need to become a whole person, and then build a dowry. Many
people enter in to relationships/marriage in an attempt to fulfill their needs.
Pastor Craig Hill
uses the example of fleas. One flea marries someone, thinking their spouse is a dog who
can fulfill them emotionally, only to find that they are another flea. Pastor Hill says we
need to be batteries, finding our source of strength in rechargings from God.
Many of us have vulnerabilities and hurts from traumas in our childhood or even adult
years. These needs must be addressed in God before you start to seek relationships with
others, or you may well find that you have married a flea. Once you have addressed these
major issues, you need to get prepared for marriage by building a dowry.
In Biblical times, a man would present a dowry to his wife, both as an expression of
value in her, and as a security for her, should he be injured or die. This dowry
(according to Jehle?) was usually about three years wages, around $100,000 today!
Similarly, the wife (or her family) would bring something to the marriage, like a cow to
parent their new herd.
Whilst I wouldn't necessarily advocate requiring such a substantial investment, I would
strongly encourage you to get yourself out of debt before considering marriage. According
to Bernice Kanner, money is the top cause of marital strife (29% argue about it most,
based on a national US survey). If you come in to a marriage financially secure, you will
have a lot less stress. If you are in any doubt about this one, just talk to any pastor or
marriage counsellor! :)
But there is more to your dowry than just financial resources. Paul Jehle and Lon
Stokes also talk of a "character dowry". A character dowry includes things like
a good work ethic, home-making skills (yes, guys should know how to cook and clean too,
even if they feel it isn't their primary role), financial responsibility, faithful
commitment to and service in a local church, etc.
I firmly believe that if you commit to God's plan in relationships, and focus on
fulfilling your destiny in Him, He will fulfill His part of the bargain. Emotionally and
financially prepared for marriage, as you develop your character dowry, God will surely
direct to your side His chosen partner for you!
DATING vs COURTSHIP PART 6
The cherem of courtship
How your flirting can bring a curse on someone!
Our covenant to God
If we make a covenant to be sanctified to the Lord until we are ready to court, we
become sanctified/dedicated to Him. We claim that we are His special property until such
time as we are prepared to give our hearts to another in marriage. This makes flirting
very dangerous, because it becomes an invitation to steal from God. By flirting, you
invite that person to be attracted to you, ultimately, to lust after you. Their desire is
for something they cannot have -- something that is set apart to God!
'cherem'
This dedication and ownership to God is similar to our tithe. God describes this
portion as His, He calls it 'cherem'. Cherem is an Old Testament (Hebrew) term for
something that is holy and set apart to God. Leviticus 27:28-32 describes it as holy ->
devoted; it also means accursed and under the ban/banished, as translated in Joshua 7:1.
This portion carries a curse with it, and that is why God wants us to give Him our tithe
-- to remove the cursed portion from our families and our house.
Joshua 7 tells the story of a man named Achan, who ignored God's plan for the tithe. In
Joshua 6:17-19, God had described Jericho as cherem -- it was Israel's first-fruits in
battle and possession, and as such, should be set apart to God. Achan, however,
disregarded God's warning and took part of this cherem for himself, hidding the golden
idol in his tent. Achan's disobedience led to a great defeat at Alia
The cherem of courtship
How does this tie in to courtship and dating? If you have committed your heart to God,
it becomes consecrated to Him, just like your tithe -- it is 'cherem'! And then, if you
invite someone to lust after you (by flirting), you bring a curse on them, because they
desire something that is 'cherem'!
© Copyright 1997-2000, Nathan Bailey, All Rights Reserved. Permission is granted to
print these articles for personal use, in whole or in part, provided the extract
references the original URL, http://polynate.net/books/courtship/,
so that people can find the latest version. Bernice Kanner's statistic is from her book
Are
You Normal? (New York; St. Martin's Press, 1995), based on surveys of a nationally
representative sample of U.S. adults by Market Facts, Inc., Arlington Heights, IL.
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