Dear sisters~
I am sending you a letter today that I
originally wrote some time ago. It is one
of The Welcome Home messages from 2001. I
am sending this letter to you today bcz of
the tremendous difficulty I am seeing in
sisters to be the willing help for their
husband and the strain in marriages. This
is matter of being or design to be the help
meet, or fitted to ones’ husband is more
than submission or even more than
“obedience” for this is the willing
acceptance of God’s design and the willing
and active endeavor to serve and compliment
ones’ husband---to be the help you were
created to be. I wrote this in the days
before I had the Debi Pearl, Created To Be
His Helpmeet, book that so well articulates
and covers the many aspects of the life,
behaviour and mindset of a wife. I am
sending this in hopes that you will be
inspired by the LORD to be the willing help
meet for your husband; the woman the LORD
created you to be, the woman you likely long
to be. God bless you today and always as
you seek to serve and honour the LORD.
Sincerely,
your sister in Jesus, --pamela
A Help Meet for Him
Just think, God in His wisdom thought it
best that a man should leave his father and
mother and cleave to his wife, that the two
should become one flesh, thus He created a
help meet for him... that’s what I want to
share with you today.
A Help Meet for Him
Genesis 2:18 "And the LORD God said, It is
not good that the man should be alone; I
will make him an help meet for him."
You see, it was not originally man’s idea
that it was not good that he should be
alone---it was God’s! God in His wisdom
planned from the beginning that man would
have a mate... a help suited to him. I am
filled with awe as I think of this... that
God loves my husband so much that He would
not leave him alone, but that He would
design the help he needed. I am humbled that
for my husband, the helper is me.
Genesis 2:20 "And Adam gave names to all
cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to
every beast of the field; but for Adam there
was not found an help meet for him."
Of all the women in the world, I am the help
suited or the one "meet" or fit for him.
This is quite an awe-inspiring thought,
isn’t it? Consider that God in His merciful
wisdom had you as the help: meet, or fit
for, your husband. God’s plan for me
included that I would be the one to complete
my husband. The first time I saw my husband
I was taken with him. :) It would be a while
later that we would actually become
acquainted, but in the interim, I thought of
him frequently. It did not cross my mind at
the time that I would eventually marry him,
nor did it cross my mind when it became
evident that I would marry him that I would
need or seek to change him. Some time after
we were married, I began to see things in
him that I thought needed "fixing up" or
"helping along." And... coincidentally,
since I was his help-meet, I assumed that
naturally I was to do some helping!
Sometimes I would help him along in a
decision... you know, subtly reminding him
or things he really ought to do or not do...
sometimes it would be in subtle
correction... sometimes it would be in not
doing something he needed to have done...
sometimes it would be in ignoring him.
Whatever the method I employed at the time,
my intent was to make *him*
a help suitable for *me.*
Now, what does the Word say? Does it say
that he is to be *my*
helper, or does it say that I am to be *his*
helper? There is plenty the Word says about
what he is to do... but being *my*
help meet is not one of them. As difficult
as this is for some women to accept, the
Word says I am to be *his*
helper... I am the help meet for him. Does
this mean that I have no opinion, no needs,
no options? No... but what it does mean is
that I need to first seek to be the
compliment to my husband, to adapt to his
needs, and to learn how to be the help meet
for him. As difficult as this is for some
(many?) women to accept, this is God’s
design... and it is in obedience to God’s
plan that we will find true
fulfillment---and in learning and striving
to be the help meet for our husband is one
of the ways in which the LORD will bless us
and fulfill us. You see this is another one
of those things that sounds foolish but is
of the wisdom of God. Our acceptance and our
behavior concerning this gives God His
rightful glory.
Now, does this mean that I am the only one
doing the work of adaptation? No... God’s
Word makes abundantly clear what He requires
of husbands... and it seems to me that we
wives have far less to concern ourselves
with in our role than do our husbands in
theirs. I share this lest any think it is
more difficult to fulfill the wife’s role in
marriage.
1Corinthians 1.27 "But God hath chosen the
foolish things of the world to confound the
wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of
the world to confound the things which are
mighty;"
Now, what if my husband rejects the teaching
of the Word? What if he is not a believer?
What if I don’t really like the direction he
is going or the person he’s become? What if
he just doesn’t have it together? What if
he’ll *never*
change? Does this mean that I am free to
behave in whatever manner I deem best? Does
this mean I begin to wear the pants in the
family? Does this mean that I get to take
the reins and drive the cart? Does this mean
that I get to ignore and neglect my
responsibility as a wife---help meet---for
my husband?
Again, what does the Word say?
Well, we have many instances where we are
given clear direction as to our behavior.
First, we are to live in obedience to the
Word. As Christian women, we are called to a
high standard of living, we are to seek
first the Kingdom of God and His
righteousness. We are to study to show
ourselves approved unto God; then we must
recognize and accept that we are the help
meet or fit for our individual husbands.
Then, we must take the whole of Scripture to
see what it says and what it means for us—as
women, as wives. And we must determine to
be women of prayer, obedience and
faithfulness. As married women, ways we
demonstrate this will include our commitment
and obedience to the Word, understanding our
role in marriage, and in the ways we
prioritize our time, our decisions and our
behavior.
Then concerning our behavior and
relationship to our husband we see many
different examples of God’s plan and design
for wives; when we read in Proverbs 31, for
example, where we see that the wife does her
husband good and not evil all the days of
her life. In 1 Peter, we see that Sarah
obeyed Abe and even called him lord. In
Ephesians, we see that wives are to submit
to their husbands as unto the LORD; to be
subject unto them. In Titus, we learn that
wives are to love their husbands... to be
obedient to their husbands that the Word of
God be not blasphemed!! This may be tough to
take, hard to accept and seemingly
impossible to apply, but with God all things
are possible.
Our commitment to the LORD and His Word must
direct our decisions and our actions. Our
feelings cannot direct our decisions or our
actions. We are frail in our humanness,
we’re sometimes silly women led astray by
things that tickle our ears, and we falter
in our desires unless we live by conviction
from the Word of God. I have told you before
that our convictions must control our
thoughts: we cannot afford to allow our
circumstances or our feelings to control our
thoughts and convictions. We falter, don’t
we? We are tempted, aren’t we? We despair
sometimes, don’t we? Emotions... you see,
these are all emotions, emotions that change
like shifting sand. Our emotions cannot be
the basis on which our convictions are
established or by which we risk making
serious decisions. We must be tenacious in
our pursuit of God, in developing and
maintaining our understanding and position
in our walk with God and in our marriage.
In this day and age when we are bombarded on
all sides, when the enemy seems to blast
from every direction and when temptations
flood our lives, we need the sure foundation
that can only be realized by commitment to
living according to the Word of God.
Personalities cannot advise us, trends
cannot direct us, and surely our emotions
cannot guide us into all truth... our
understanding and our commitment can only
come from obedience to the LORD, to His Word
and a right relationship first with our
heavenly Father... and then, and only then
will we be able to follow through with His
plan for our lives as helpers...meet for our
husbands.
Truly this is the understanding and behavior
of the virtuous woman... it is of this woman
that these words are written:
"Her children arise up, and call her
blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth
her.
Many daughters have done virtuously, but
thou excellest them all. Favour is
deceitful,
and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth
the LORD, she shall be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let
her own works praise her in the gates."
Proverbs 31.28-31
O, that we would be women of the Word. A
help meet, or fitted for, our husband and a
handmaiden of the LORD.
Truly, this is praise worthy.