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A Help Meet for Him
by pamela spurling

Just think, God in His wisdom thought it best that a man should leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, that the two should become one flesh, thus He created a help meet for him... that’s what I want to share with you today.

A Help Meet for Him...

Genesis 2:18 "And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him."

You see, it was not originally man’s idea that it was not good that he should be alone---it was God’s! God in His wisdom planned from the beginning that man would have a mate... a help suited to him. I am filled with awe as I think of this... that God loves my husband so much that He would not leave him alone, but that He would design the help he needed. I am humbled that for my husband, the helper is me.

Genesis 2:20 "And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him."

Of all the women in the world, I am the help suited or the one "meet" or fit for him. This is quite an awe-inspiring thought, isn’t it? Consider that God in His merciful wisdom had you as the help meet or fit for your husband. God’s plan for me included that I would be the one to complete my husband. The first time I saw my husband I was taken with him. :) It would be a while later that we would actually become acquainted, but in the interim, I thought of him frequently. It did not cross my mind at the time that I would eventually marry him, nor did it cross my mind when it became evident that I would marry him that I would need or seek to change him. Some time after we were married, I began to see things in him that I thought needed "fixing up" or "helping along." And... coincidentally, since I was his help-meet, I assumed that naturally I was to do some helping! Sometimes I would help him along in a decision... you know, subtly reminding him or things he really ought to do or not do... sometimes it would be in subtle correction... sometimes it would be in not doing something he needed to have done... sometimes it would be in ignoring him. Whatever the method I employed at the time, my intent was to make *him* a help suitable for *me.*

Now, what does the Word say? Does it say that he is to be *my* helper, or does it say that I am to be *his* helper? There is plenty the Word says about what he is to do... but being *my* help meet is not one of them. As difficult as this is for some women to accept, the Word says I am to be *his* helper... I am the help meet for him. Does this mean that I have no opinion, no needs, no options? No... but what it does mean is that I need to first seek to be the compliment to my husband, to adapt to his needs, and to learn how to be the help meet for him. As difficult as this is for some (many?) women to accept, this is God’s design... and it is in obedience to God’s plan that we will find true fulfillment---and in learning and striving to be the help meet for our husband is one of the ways in which the LORD will bless us and fulfill us. You see this is another one of those things that sounds foolish but is of the wisdom of God. Our acceptance and our behavior concerning this gives God His rightful glory. Now, does this mean that I am the only one doing the work of adaptation? No... God’s Word makes abundantly clear what He requires of husbands... and it seems to me that we wives have far less to concern ourselves with in our role than do our husbands in theirs. I share this lest any think it is more difficult to fulfill the wife’s role in marriage.

1Corinthians 1.27 "But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty;"

Now, what if my husband rejects the teaching of the Word... what if he is not a believer... what if I don’t really like the direction he is going or the person he’s become? What if he just doesn’t have it together? What if he’ll *never* change? Does this mean that I am free to behave in whatever manner I deem best? Does this mean I begin to wear the pants in the family? Does this mean that I get to take the reins and drive the cart? Does this mean that I get to ignore and neglect my responsibility as a wife---help meet---for my husband?

Again, what does the Word say? Well, we have many instances where we are given clear direction as to our behavior. First, we are to live in obedience to the Word. As Christian women, we are called to a high standard of living, we are to seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness... We are to study to show ourselves approved unto God; then we must recognize and accept that we are the help meet or fit for our individual husbands. Then, we must take the whole of Scripture to see what it says and what it means and we must determine to be women of prayer, obedience and faithfulness. As married women, ways we demonstrate this include our commitment and obedience to the Word, understanding our role in marriage, and in the ways we prioritize our time, our decisions and our behavior. Then concerning our behavior and relationship to our husband we see many different examples of God’s plan for wives; when we read in Proverbs 31, for example, we see that the wife does her husband good and not evil all the days of her life. In 1 Peter, we see that Sarah obeyed Abe and even called him lord. In Ephesians, we see that wives are to submit to their husbands as unto the LORD; to be subject unto them. In Titus, we learn that wives are to love their husbands... to be obedient to their husbands that the Word of God be not blasphemed!! This may be tough to take, hard to accept and seemingly impossible to apply, but with God all things are possible. Our commitment to the LORD and His Word must direct our decisions and our actions. Our feelings cannot direct our decisions or our actions. We are frail in our humanness, we’re sometimes silly women led astray by things that tickle our ears, and we falter in our desires unless we live by conviction. I have told you before that our convictions must control our thoughts... we cannot afford to allow our circumstances or our feelings to control our thoughts and convictions. We falter, don’t we? We are tempted, aren’t we? We despair sometimes, don’t we? Emotions... you see, these are all emotions, emotions that change like shifting sand. Our emotions cannot be the basis on which our convictions are established or by which we risk making serious decisions. We must be tenacious in our pursuit of God, in developing and maintaining our understanding and position in walk with God and in our marriage.

In this day and age when we are bombarded on all sides, when the enemy seems to blast from every direction and when temptations flood our lives, we need the sure foundation that can only be realized by commitment to living according to the Word of God. Personalities cannot advise us, trends cannot direct us, and surely our emotions cannot guide us into all truth... our understanding and our commitment can only come from obedience to the LORD, to His Word and a right relationship first with our heavenly Father... and then, and only then will we be able to follow through with His plan for our lives as for our husbands.

Truly this is the understanding and behavior of the virtuous woman... it is of this woman that these words are written:

"Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates."
Proverbs 31.28-31

O, that we would be women of the Word.


pamela spurling 2001                                                                                       

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