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A Virtuous Woman is a Crown to Her Husband

by pamela spurling

"Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies." (Proverbs 31.10) Every week I am humbled by the ways in which the LORD provides... provides messages, life experiences, and encouragement to press on for Him. There is no higher calling than to serve the LORD and in this, we woman embark on the journey of a virtuous woman. A virtuous woman... what a worthy desirable goal.

Strange as it seems, our society today seems to mock virtue... or at least, virtue doesn’t seem to be one of the worthiest goals. Webster’s, in part, defines virtue and virtuous as: Strength; strength from straining, stretching, extending; morally good, conforming to the moral law; practicing the moral duties, abstaining from vice. Chaste. The practice of moral duties from sincere love for God and His laws, is virtue and religion. (Webster’s 1828 dictionary)

"A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones." ---Proverbs 12.4

We trust in the Word that this quality is not beyond our grasp or unattainable. We must trust that God, who designed us also will equip us to do that which He has planned for us. As I share these thoughts with you, I feel sure that it is your desire as it is mine, to really take hold of this and "own it" and apply the truths of the Word to our lives. You know what happens when this concept or life design is rejected, gets out of balance or is neglected? Yes... the "crown" gets tarnished, bent out of shape, the man’s heart is empty and expectations are dashed, and the "glory of the man" becomes bitter or becomes "as rottenness to his bones" and hinders rather than helps. What is the opposite of assist? It is to aid, assist, advance, move forward. You may think I am over-stating this a bit or am making a big deal out of the woman’s role... actually-I feel limited by my lack of ability to properly convey just how serious this is and how important it is for a wife to grasp the concept: that she is the crown to her husband. It is not that I am making too big a deal of this... truthfully, I do not know how to make a big enough "deal" of this!!

Take a look at this verse in 1Corinthians 11.7 "...forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man." The *glory* of the man! You see? This is you... this is me.

Do you think of yourself as the crown to, or the glory of your husband? I have written you in the past regarding the behavior and appearance of a woman being a reflection on her husband, that his reputation is either enhanced or diminished by the attitude, behavior and appearance of the wife. I often think much can be understood about a man by the attitude of his wife (and certainly vice versa). A woman’s behavior is a strong indicator of her understanding of her place in marriage, her acceptance of God’s will and design for her life, and her relationship with her husband. These are general statements to which there will be exceptions, but as a general rule, these will bear out as truth.

We know that man was created first and was made in God’s image... and that the woman was taken out of the side of man. This was done because there was not a helper suitable for him and one needed to be created.

Genesis 2.22-23  "And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man."

I wrote to you a few months ago about *completing* your husband rather than *competing* with him---it was in part because of these two verses that I wrote that message. Our husband’s needed completing and that is why the LORD brought us together with them---to complete them, to blend with them, to help them... and what’s more... now we see: to be their glory or their crown.

This is a most honourable position... the woman was not taken from the head of the man to rule over him, nor taken from his foot to be trampled by him, rather, she was taken from his side---his side: the place nearest his heart, you see? The woman was taken from his side indicating the place she holds. The woman is the completer of the man, taken from his side to walk beside him---not ahead of him and not behind him.

1Corinthians 11.7 For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man.

You see, as our verse indicates, the woman is to be covered... pure, protected, modest, in subjection to her husband: she is his glory, his crown. Do you have valuables you treasure? What do you do with your treasures? Do you leave them out, unprotected? Do you leave them in the way of harm, traffic, or strangers? Do you leave them in the weather to be ravaged by storms or scorched by the sun? Do you leave them out where strangers can see them, uncovered where strangers can handle or view them? No... treasured items are defended... wrapped... covered... sheltered, aren’t they? Have you ever considered that this is how you need to be yourself? This may sound silly and old fashioned---peculiar: that a woman be wrapped, covered, or sheltered. But what does God’s Word say?

We could look at this from several different angles... from attitude to attire, from behavior to character. Understanding of this verse and this concept will necessarily be reflected in the way we behave toward our husband, the way we think, the way we dress, and the way we behave toward other men, in the things we do and the places we go. Understanding this verse will make the difference in every single thing we do or say or think. For some, implementing these ideas will be totally life changing.

When you are out in a public place or when you have others in your home, is it obvious that you are the glory of your husband? Would others who meet you know that you are a woman under authority? Do you look at your husband or speak of him in ways that unmistakably show reverence to him? Is it distinctly apparent that your husband has a crown? When others are with you are they aware of your love and devotion for your husband?

In our Bible study, sometime back, we took an in-depth look at the qualities of a Titus 2 woman... and the gravity and necessity to get a grasp on the richness and the requirements of the three verses that comprise the "Titus2" teaching. You know the thing that stood out to me the most was the part of the passage(after all the attributes were listed) that says: "...that the Word of God be not blasphemed." This has struck me so profoundly. My behavior must be in line with this teaching "that the Word of God be not blasphemed!" My behavior, actions, attitudes matter... not only for the reflection on my husband but on the very Word of God---and my LORD Himself!

I have talked with many women who reject this notion... reject it because of the lack of love and trust in their own marriage, or because of their upbringing and contrary teaching received, or because of disappointment or bitterness, or of fear of being out of personal control. Whatever the reason or excuse, many women will reject this teaching of the Word and will miss the great blessing of the LORD. No matter how we think on this, or what our preconceived notions are... what does God’s Word say? Is it true? Is it trustworthy? Yes, it is true and yes, it is trustworthy. God’s ways are higher than our ways, and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. These things seem foolish. These are the peculiar things of the Word... laying down our lives to find them again, dying to self that we might live, to lose that we might gain.

The woman is the glory of the man. She is his honour, his ornament, his glory. She was made after him, she was made for him; she was made from him--- "bone of his bone, and flesh of his flesh." Everything she is or does is an expression of him... her beauty, gentleness, loveliness, purity, compassion... all of these are a reflection of him---his honour, his dignity, his protection, his provision. Her behavior reflects *and* acknowledges him, and it *completes* him! Thus, her behavior, appearance, attire and attitude should---rather, *must* reflect her acceptance and proper understanding of God’s design.

I am often aware of these things when I consider that I am a representative of my husband. I am constantly learning and refining what this means for me personally. I stumble so frequently and yet am determined to run this race! I never want to make him ashamed or to be as "rottenness to his bones." I want to live in such a manner as to demonstrate that I value his thoughts, I value his leadership and his reputation. I think about this when I talk to someone on the phone, whether it be in personal or business matters, and I think about this when I dress for the day or when I take care of our home and children. Many times these questions come to my consciousness:

What does this say about him? What does this behavior, attire, or speech reflect on my husband? What impression will I give others about my husband by the way I am speaking or dressing?

When I am at the grocery store, I run into people I know and as we talk for a moment, they might ask how my husband is doing, etc., etc., and because I have made a conscious decision to seek to understand my place in his life, our marriage, my answers reflect that understanding or decision. When I have said something remotely contrary to this goal, I look to correct it and to teach myself what I must do or avoid in the future. This may seem quite like bondage, but I tell you the truth: it is so freeing---truly, to be in a place of submission to him and obedience to the LORD. Does this mean I am never tempted to do my own thing, or speak my mind or want to be my own "boss"? Oh, I am tempted... and as I have often told you, I will occasionally act on that temptation... to go, rather than stay... to spend, rather than save... to make a decision, rather than wait. O, this list goes on and on. But! I assure you these times are further and fewer between! I am learning my weaknesses and am taking them before the LORD *and* my husband and it is by grace that I am able to day by day seek to live in obedience to the LORD in these things. I cannot explain it, but the real freedom is in obedience... just like the real freedom of daily living is in discipline... planning... scheduling! I am thinking that you already *know* this, but I am prompted to share it with you just the same---maybe you need inspiration like I do each day. I want to be pliable in my LORD’s Hand.

So, back to behavior and appearance...those of you who know me, know that I believe that the man of the home should wear the pants. I truly believe this, both literally and figuratively. There were days early on that I needed to daily be reminded, with tangible evidence, what I believed. My daily clothing served as that reminder. Now I rarely think about why I wear the dresses and he wears the pants---but I am no less convicted today than I was ten, or even twenty years ago about this design or fact. As a matter of fact---for me, for our home, it seems so awkward to even imagine myself or the girls wearing the pants. I know that I have very few friends and no family with this belief and so these statements are not meant as condemnation of their views or judgements against their homes or their decisions by any means. I share from my heart the things the LORD has impressed upon my heart and am not criticizing those who see things differently. I used to see them another way myself. Gender distinction and feminine dress just happen to be an area the LORD has really laid on my heart as important for me to pursue and obey.

It should be the desire of our hearts to, above all things, please the LORD in all that we say, do, or think. Whether we are alone or not, whether we are caring for our homes, whether we are talking on the telephone or out taking care of errands. When we are faced with a decision as to what we will say or do, our first thought or response should be borne of an obedient heart for the LORD and a desire to do His will. So, no matter what we do or where we go... All of our responses will ultimately reflect our desire to please the LORD. Considering our topic today, will our actions be a glory to our husband or as rottenness to his bones? Will we be a pleasing or displeasing reflection? And, will it be, above all things, our desire to be a fragrant offering to the LORD?

The one thing I haven’t said, up to this point, is that there is a cost to applying this understanding. It will not be easy and it is not free. You may have a husband who is difficult to love and to honour. You are still his glory---his crown. You may have limitations, disabilities and difficulties that no one knows of... the LORD is your sustenance and strength. There will be sacrifice and perhaps discomfort. You may have been hurt in the past and your wounds still ache. Your own husband may have hurt you in the past and you are reticent to fully trust him----The LORD will deliver you and lift you up as you walk with Him and trust in His ways. You may not be able to change the ways and actions of your husband, but you can surely listen to the LORD, obey Him and concentrate on your ways. He says that your husband will be won over by your conversation as he observes your ways (1Peter 3.1-2). You may be mocked by those from whom you would least expect it, the LORD knows these things and will give you mercy and peace. Perhaps you will be ridiculed and you will surely be tempted, but The LORD will make a way of escape. In all these things we can trust the LORD because He loves us with an everlasting love and has promised to never leave us nor forsake us.

Listen... wait... trust... you will hear His voice and you will know it. Whatever the LORD is leading or doing in your life... you can be assured it is for your good because He loves you. Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path. The Word tells us this, and we can trust that it is true.

May your life be a sweet offering to the LORD.

Take my life and let it be
Consecrated, LORD, to Thee
Take my moments and my days
Let them flow in ceaseless praise
Let them flow in ceaseless praise

Take my hands and let them move
At the impulse of Thy love
Take my feet and let them be
Swift and beautiful for Thee
Swift and beautiful for Thee

Take my voice and let me sing
Always only for my King
Take my lips and let them be
Filled with messages for Thee
Filled with messages for Thee

Take my love, my LORD, I pour
At Thy feet its treasure store
Take myself, and I will be
Ever, only, all for Thee.
God Bless you as you seek to serve Him.

pamela spurling  TheWelcomeHome 2001

                    19992010   PO Box 2130 Snohomish, Washington 98291 USA
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