The Welcome Home
pamela spurling
Dear sweet-heart sisters,
This
week, The Welcome Home message is a story of a mother---a story of a
season in a mother's life and her first experience being
"mother of the groom" and how that season seemed to her at the time.
The First
Seat on the Right Side of the Center Aisle
No
words could convince or console her that the extinguished candle was
not also the snuffing out of the value of her life. It was a
symbol of the closing of one and the beginning of another chapter in
that son's life but for that mother, it seemed to be a moment
in which her life was effectively over. O, sure, she thought,
her life would go on, there would be other such occasions, other
days to live. But for that specific moment in time, grief
overwhelming her soul, she thought there was no real purpose for her
existence, it was as if the fade button had been pushed and she was
slowly experiencing its effect.
Through the years since the day of his birth, her most
precious dreams, her highest hopes and all her undying love
was wrapped around his life. For him, she discovered a tender
place in her heart she never knew existed before his life began and
from that beginning, there were times in her life she was so
overwhelmed with tender affection her heart seemed as if it would
break. She didn't know all the while that one day it would, in
a sense, break over that child. That child. O, that
child she once wrapped in her arms, cradled at her breast,
powdered and diapered, kissed and coddled. That child, that
precious, precious child.
Her
heart once welled up with astonished delight as he entered the house
with flowers and chocolates and a stuffed bear with the cutest
expression on its face. O, how that mother beamed and how,
through the grace of the LORD, she continued to beam with joy and
love for him as he asked with a sort of tone that was both an
inquiry and a exclamation, "Do you think she'll like them, mama?"
Quietly and graciously gathering up her dashed emotions, she
told him, "O, yes, she surely will---she'll just love
them---they're perfect!" And she hugged her boy---her boy
who'd become a man while she wasn't looking, the boy who grew up
before her eyes and she hardly knew where the time had gone.
She
smiled and cried many times through the months of that season;
delighted and sad, sorrowful and glad. Suddenly she had
entered the doorway to a passage strangely foreign to her. She
was now the other woman in her son's life. Suddenly and with
little fanfare she had stopped being his "advisor," "counselor" and
trusted friend. Suddenly her opinions were not highest
priority nor did they take precedence over the opinions of others.
Suddenly his first call was not to the home-phone and his cards were
addressed to the other woman in his life. Suddenly time
for lingering at the table grew shorter and shorter as time
cultivating his new love, his new dreams and hopes grew longer and
more frequent.
She
began to sorely miss the boy she'd spent her life caring for.
She missed his laughter and smiles as he related the events of his
day to her. O, sure, he still did that to some degree, and
with great enthusiasm, I might add. But the days had become
different and somehow they never seemed like they'd be the same
again. And they weren't. I suppose what she probably
missed most, but couldn't articulate at the time, was his need for
her---for her help, for her guidance, for her encouragement and for
her to hear about his days and his plans. In her mind, it
seemed he'd stopped needing her altogether and she began to feel
useless and out of place. Soon that joy in her heart, the
anticipation of his daily return home at dinnertime and his story
telling and daily accounts of his experiences with friends and at
work, began to wane. She began to realize that those treasures
were slowly being transferred to another woman and the joy in her
heart took on an unfamiliar ache; an ache that, she didn't know at
the time, would fade and the joy would return.
"...Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."
Psalm 30.5
So as
not to give the impression that all the days of that season were
bleak, there were many days of happy anticipation as the wedding
drew near. There were many occasions to gather around the
table to talk and laugh and so, in many ways, it seemed like quite a
rollercoaster ride emotionally. One day up and one day
down---one day zooming along another day slogging up a steep
incline. In her subconscious, she delighted in knowing that,
still at that point, she was the only one who knew how to cut his
hair properly, wash and iron his clothes properly and make his
favourite meals. It was actually a blessing that she didn't
know at the time that all that would change one day---but when it
did, she could sincerely smile with gladness for her son and
didn't take personally his change in taste or other changes in
personal preferences. In time she was able to see that she
didn't train him up to keep him, rather, she trained him up so that
he could fly on his own. It never was her intention to harness
and hang on to him---she just didn't know how to let loose of the
reins and certainly didn't know it would be a painful letting go.
There
were times in that season where she felt as if she were watching a
movie of events in a family and not actually a participant as well.
Scenes would open and close and she was simply a spectator and not
the director or manager. Some days were sort of surreal as she
watched their love bloom and grow while her love seemed to be waning
and fading away. She didn't know then what she would know
later: that her love didn't wane or fade away at all---it was simply
in a quiet phase. Her love was resting and she didn't know it
would be stirred up again as her son's life was turned into a family
and his house into a home. She soon learned a new way of
living, a new way of loving that son. She soon learned that
her value to him, while dramatically different in appearance, had
not changed and the value of his life only grew more precious in her
eyes. She didn't know at the time that love would bloom
again and would be stronger than ever before---were that possible!
But
that was long after the day she took a long walk to the first seat
on the right side of the center aisle.
As
the music faded and she stepped up to light that candle---the candle
her son would use to light the one in the center that would signify
unity with his bride, the one that would symbolize the joining of
two into one by the extinguishing of two separate lives forming the
creation of one new life---she struggled to hold back the floodgate
of tears. She gathered up all the faith and confidence she
could muster and with trembling hands, she carried a candle she
would use to light the candle on the right. And turning around
to return to her seat---the first seat on the right side of the
center aisle---she extinguished her own candle as a symbol of both
acceptance and commitment to that boy... the time had come to say
goodbye to that season and to embrace the next. The smoke that
wafted up from the extinguished candle seemed to intensify the
burning of the hot tears welling up in her eyes, but her smile was a
sincere smile of hope and joy for her son and his bride.
Throughout the rest of the ceremony while she watched the loving
proceedings in front of her, in the theatre of her mind played the
home movies of her son's life---still's and moving pictures passed
through her mind as she saw her little boy... her young man... her
hopes and dreams in the groom standing before her pledging his heart
to his bride. As he kissed his bride---his wife---the mother
knew it was time. And she let go of the reins.
As
she took her tiny little newborn baby boy into her arms... she
looked into his face and smiled knowing that one day she'd walk that
long aisle again and imagined that tiny little baby growing up into
a man. One thing she learned for certain that day: no matter
what, she'd not have missed that for anything. And that night,
as the house quieted and the lights were turned out----her dark
ceiling forming a screen, she again watched the story of her son's
life---and replayed the events of the day gone by, an activity that
would be repeated many times over the months ahead.
She
actually delighted in watching the love between her son and his
wife, she smiled at their plans as they gathered things for their
nest and as they set about ordering their life. She really was
thankful for the way the LORD had worked, for His provision, for His
plans. She had a new joy and peace in her heart.
In time, she was surprised at how the transition had pained her, how
she'd been so sad. She was amazed at the power of love and the
ache of change and what felt like rejection was not rejection at
all. She then became the fan of two who became one that
day. O, now that mother's heart was more full than ever when
she finally welcomed another woman into her son's life to share that
space her son alone once held in her heart. That tender
space in her heart was enlarged when she welcomed grandchildren into
her arms.
But
that was long after the day she when took, what seemed at the time,
like a long walk to the first seat on the right side of the center
aisle.
pamela spurling
2005
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