Hand Over the Pants and Let It Be
What I’d like to share
today is part of a series of messages I will be
sharing on marriage. I have a sense of urgency
here as just in this past
year alone I’m aware of a number of struggling or
failed marriages. As I listen to the wives share
“their side” of the struggle, I am painfully aware
that the enemy is leveling marriages everywhere,
attempting to thwart the work of the LORD in
couples’ lives and
attempting to destroy godly seed and future
Psalm 11.3 If the
foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?
The messages I’d like to
share are not in any particular sequence or order of
importance. What I’d
like to share are some observations---things I’ve
been learning over the years, bits and pieces of
what constitutes a genuine, rock-solid marriage. I
know that some of these will not necessarily seem
applicable to “unmarried’s” or to young ladies, but
may I just ask you to bear with me and seek the LORD
as to His purpose---even if you’re not in that
season yet or ever. If you are unmarried, then the
LORD is your Head and He is your guide and I trust
Him to show you what He would have for you just as I
will trust Him to show the married women what He
would have for them *where they’re at.*
here we go…
time to take them off,
fold them up,
and hand them over.
It’s time to hand over the pants.
Now, friends and people who’ve
been reading these letters over the years know that
I do not necessarily mean actual fabric and
stitching, zippers and buttons: pants. [Although,
if the shoe fits (or the pants, in this case) then
perhaps it’s worth considering.]
I mean the role. His
time to hand over the pants. Perhaps
you’ve attempted to wear
them in your family and yet you’ve always known
they’re not yours to wear. Perhaps you have had
sort of a tug-of-war over the wearing of the pants
in the family. Perhaps you’ve
attempted to “let” your husband wear the pants and
he simply won’t lead. May I gently say to you---it’s
not your business to determine what he does with the
pants… it’s not your responsibility to determine
that, but it is your responsibility to *not* wear
the pants in your family. Now, I trust that I have
the LORD’s direction here.
Ephesians 5.17 “Wherefore be ye not unwise, but
understanding what the will of the Lord is.”
in Ephesians, we see the instruction that is the
foundation for what I am sharing with you today.
You see, wives are to *submit* *themselves* to their
own husbands---as unto the LORD.
husband is the head of the wife and the wife is to
be subject unto him in *every* thing.
Now… I know that several
are probably glazed over
right about now. But
stay with me and perhaps by the end of this letter
you will *want* to “hand over the pants” ---to
submit in everything and find yourself desiring the
fruit of a marriage rooted deeply in the Word. I
At this point I often
hear comments like: I would submit but… you don’t
know my husband. My husband is not easy to submit
to. I don’t really
“know” my husband anymore.
My husband is a tyrant. I
don’t love my husband
anymore. My husband won’t
lead. My husband is arrogant and rude. My husband
had an affair. My husband is insensitive. My
husband is not like your husband. My husband mocks
me. My husband is lazy. My husband only loves his
________________ (fill in the blank: golf clubs,
baseball, sports, cars, boat, job, computer (gasp!),
shop, cigarettes, bowling, books, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah) more than me.
Okay. So any or all of
the above are true. Okay---so what does God say?
God’s Word says: Wives,
submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto
the Lord. God, who cannot lie, in His mercy set the
parameter and He will provide
what’s needed to work within them. I believe
this---I believe this or I would not be sitting here
writing to you.
Now… at this point, I may only be talking to a few
sisters. You others might just stay at the table
and keep sipping your cup and listen in.
Okay… dear sister--- I’m
with you, here. I understand what you might have
been feeling/thinking. Your husband may or may not
lead. But you are to
obey him, you are to submit to his headship and
you’re to do it reverently. Wow.
Yes, that, too. So
it’s a tall order to hand over the pants. It means
you lose everything---but you know what? What you
thought you had really wasn’t
yours to possess. What “power” you think
you’ll lose in the
transaction really wasn’t your power at all.
Really the power you
exercised was simply power you usurped from your
husband. He may have “allowed” it because he was
caught in a “power-struggle.” Most men are these
days. They’re trying to
walking on both sides of the fence or riding the top
of it. To keep peace, many unwittingly allow their
wives to lead. And the
enemy sort of confirms to the wife that things are
just fine this way and that it’s really the way the
husband likes it. But! I
assure you, sweet sister, that’s
not true. The “double-standard” is really like a
two-edged sword. It’s
slicing marriages in half, cutting the husband’s
strength and chipping away at the foundation of each
marriage. The husband in such a case is
really half the man he is
meant to be. The wise wife will see this, repent,
hand over the pants and take a good look at what
responsible to do/be.
Remember… marriage is a picture of Christ and the
church. Christ is the Head and the church is His
Think of a bride… what’s
she doing? What’s she
thinking? How’s she
spending her time? Yes…
she is spending her time preparing for her husband.
She is thinking of him. A bride is making herself
beautiful for him. She’s anticipating his needs and
to fulfill them. See?
fulfill them She’s
not thinking of being the bridegroom---no, she’s not
distracted by that at all---she knows what she is:
something happens along the way.
It happens to all of us, really.
Time happens to us. Life happens to us.
Age. All of these and
more and we stop being the bride and stop living in
preparation for the bridegroom.
That’s when some of us start trying to take
on the role of the bride and the
bridegroom---perhaps even just the role of the
Some of us have done this in our marriage… some in
our Christian walk. We stop waiting, preparing,
looking for or yearning for the LORD and then
somewhere along the way we stop walking by His side
and then in time attempt to walk ahead of Him and
then we find ourselves alone. Not really
being led by Him
Trying to go it alone.
For awhile it seemed to
work---really well sometimes.
Then, not so well and then… really badly.
We do this is marriage. As life goes
along and the newness of
marriage wears off and the nakedness reveals
some of the scars, the marks and the not-so-pretty
parts, we start allowing our thoughts to drift and
we lose sight of the original plan. Then we start
to think we’ve got a better plan and just like our
walk with the LORD, we start to go it alone---only
this time, we’re feeling like we have the power and
we feel like we do it better than our husband.
Sadly, he may be persuaded that you’re better at it
all, too. He begins to
wither away. He begins to believe it. All the
while, the man he was meant
to be yearns for respect. He yearns to be
noticed and appreciated.
He yearns to be “all that” to you ---or someone---
At this point one of a couple of scenarios might
Then… without fanfare, without much notice, he might
receive a complement.
He might receive a sweet look.
is nudged and somewhere
deep inside him, an ache is being consoled and a
fire is being rekindled. He is
designed to lead. He is
wired to be needed. He longs for [lots of]
physical attention. He is actually hot-wired to
be desired. He needs to
be seen as a “knight in shining armour” saving a
darling who adores him.
Let it be you.
Hand over the pants and let it be you.
Another scenario might play out… he lets you keep on
wearing the pants so to speak and you, liking the
(perceived) power might start looking around at
strong men. You might begin fantasizing about being
swept off your feet by a charming man who is
breathless over your fascinating ways and tell you
you’re beautiful (whether
you think/believe you are or not). You might begin
looking around and you might give in…
Let it be your husband.
Hand over the pants and let it be
At this point I want to
share with you that the enemy is after Christian
marriages. It’s a wild fire
that’s sweeping the world.
And it will sweep yours
if you don’t ‘fire-proof’ yours. I also want to
share with you that I am not handing you a magic
pill: hand over the pants and
you’ll never have a day of sorrow. I am
*not* saying that. *BUT* I *am* saying that I
believe if you follow God’s ways, you will reap rich
fruit and you will have His blessing. Yes… others
might (seem to) have it all. Others might be all
that. Others might enjoy great s*x, have great
vacations, great houses, great jobs and whatever
other thing you could name that you think you don’t
have (yet). I added the “yet” because *you* can
learn to love what you have.
There is great peace and joy in contentment.
I tell you the truth---and
it’s the LORD who will be
your guide and help in doing so. I think
you’ll be amazed from the
very first day you stop wearing the pants---again, I
say this figuratively speaking.
Proverbs 7.15-26 Therefore
came I forth to meet thee, diligently to seek thy
face, and I have found thee. I have decked my bed
with coverings of tapestry, with carved works, with
fine linen of Egypt. I have perfumed my bed with
myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon.
Come, let us take our fill of love until the
morning: let us solace ourselves with loves. For
the goodman is not at
home, he is gone a long journey: He hath taken a
bag of money with him, and will come home at the day
appointed. With her much fair speech she caused him
to yield, with the flattering of her lips she forced
him. He goeth after her straightway, as an ox goeth
to the slaughter, or as a fool to the correction of
the stocks; Till a dart strike through his liver;
as a bird hasteth to the snare, and knoweth not that
it is for his life.
Hearken unto me now therefore, O ye children, and
attend to the words of my mouth. Let not thine
heart decline to her ways,
go not astray in her paths. For she hath cast down
many wounded: yea, many
strong men have been slain by her.
It may seem like I am an alarmist, or that I am
being too simplistic---I do not know---nor do I
intend to be, but I pray you will join me in prayer
that we sisters would go before the LORD and seek
His Face on this matter. That we would, whatever it
takes, set about being the wives God designed us to
be for the husband He has given.
husband needs his wife to be the wife God intended
so that he can be the man God intended him to be.
Hand over the pants and let it be you.
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